Friday, December 16, 2011


I got dumped recently.

No, not by my new husband but by my best friend. I was friend-dumped. Guess what? It hurts too. A lot.

There was no major fight, no epic blowout, not even a slow drifting away. After 2 weeks of silence I got am email that said we were no longer going to be friends.

I guess that sounds a little bitter and snarky and I don't mean it to be. There was a third party that loomed ever-present in our friendship and finally became too much work to handle keeping the third party appeased. That's what the email said.

And I totally understand. It WAS a lot of work to constantly keep the balance just right so that we could do things together without starting 'drama'. It's exhausting, and silly for adults. But it was the way it was and there was no way around it.

That's not the point here. I'm here because I need to vent my heartbreak. It's been a long time since I have been dumped.

I haven't felt that gut wrenching pain in your chest that rises up when something reminds you of that person.

I haven't had the sadness fill your mind when you see happy pictures of times past.

It hurts, and I don't know what to about it. I don't have an excess of girlfriends so my poor husband has had to pick up the slack of losing her.

I feel very alone and without closure I guess.

After it happened, I acted out a bit and handled some situations in ways I probably shouldn't have. But its worse because I can't explain it to her. I felt I didn't have another option, but from the other point of view it seems worse I suppose.

I hate not knowing how she feels. I hate not being able to call, text or email when something funny or interesting happens.

I hate that I can't say anything about things I find out that happened to her.

It's all a mess. I just needed to get these feelings out, you know?

I guess now I just need to move forward and try to make new friends. Which I have no idea how to do anymore. I don't know.

I worry that I have nothing to give someone else. I am insecure and I wonder if I was doing terrible things in our friendship and didn't realize. That really she was just sick of ME but didn't want to say that.

I would rather know. I would always, always rather people tell me the truth so I can recognize what I did that was wrong and try to fix it.

Anyone have any advise for me?